Behind the White Door: Mz Paws Undergoes Species Change

HAS MZ PAWS

REALLY TURNED INTO

A DOG?

Fans today were deeply disturbed by a photo (released in an unnamed newspaper) with the caption "Mz Paws Undergoes Species Change Behind the White Door." The White Door, seen at the top of the stairs which Mz Paws mounted with alacrity upon being swarmed by paparazzi last weekend, has become somewhat of a mystery to fans and fans alike. (Mz Paws has always claimed that she has no real detractors.)

This reporter has discovered the location of the local stairway, and is currently investigating what lies Behind the White Door. A close friend of Mz Paws, who identified himself only as "Milo," speculated that Mz Paws simply needed to go on retreat to practice her Laws #2 and 3.

"Mz Paws is totally capable of taking care of herself," Milo stated to this writer. "And she wouldn't turn herself into a dog."

This writer has learned that, in the past, Mz Paws has befriended many of the canine species. In a letter she wrote to a fan as recently as June, 2010, Mz Paws said:

"We felines have an obligation to nurture a loving and compassionate attitude toward all beings, especially toward those whom we might ordinarily feel animosity, unfriendliness, fear or even disgust. We must cultivate an attitude in our minds of wishing that they, too, could live happy, healthy lives, and that they could engage in happy, healthy activities that will bring them the peace we cats engage in naturally. (BTW, all beings includes humans, dogs and rats.) We should practice wishing this every morning before bathing."

This letter, obtained through an anonymous source close to Mz Paws, clearly shows her huge heart, and seems to indicate that although she wishes dogs well, she does not wish to become one. This reporter has since learned that the canine pictured in the tabloids is NOT MZ PAWS, but one of her closest canine friends, whose name is Leda.

For now, we can only wait with Milo and hundreds of other friends and fans gathered here in the foyer where the staircase is located. Chi, an acquaintance of Mz Paws' stated it succinctly, "I know she'll reappear. Until then, I'm going to sleep."

In the meantime, this reporter will be spending the day trying to discover what exactly lies beyond the white door. Certainly, though, for now we can put to rest any suspicion that Mz Paws has undergone a species change. As she, herself, might put it:

OMG, how utterly ludicrous!