Straight from the Horse's Mouth: Stupid Motorist Law

DO YOU THINK I THINK

THIS IS A REAL MOUSE?

Sigh. Oh my dear whiskers, I just cannot believe anyone would think that I would think that the white and orange triangle you see here is a real -- mouse. How utterly -- sigh -- stupid.

Of course, I wouldn't think any being would be -- to put it kindly -- cognitively challenged enough to actually maneuver their driving machines around barricades put up for the express purpose of keeping said beings from stalling their driving machines and drowning themselves in overflowing culverts, streets, creeks and other places where waters can flow fast and furious.

Alas, a Confidential Source (CS) whose name is Raven, tells me that so many challenged beings exist in the state of Arizona that a law had to be passed there called "The Stupid Motorist Law."

The "Stupid Motorist Law", which corresponds to section 28-910 of the Arizona Revised Statutes, states that any motorist who becomes stranded after driving around barricades to enter a flooded stretch of roadway may be charged for the cost of his/her rescue.

The above, my CS tells me, is from Wikipedia, but your Mz Paws also heard, so coincidentally you might not believe this, the very same thing yesterday straight from the horse's mouth.

Your Mz Paws was out for a little grocery gambol yesterday, when what should yours truly hear but the clip clop clip clop of HOOVES on the pavement near our driving machine. Being an intrepid reporter, yours truly had to investigate. Yes, there, being hitched to one of the the cart-return chunnels was a Calico Horse!! Imagine the surprise of your Mz Paws!! A horse, with gorgeous white, black and tan fur just like -- well, you know who.

Of course, dear readers, your Mz Paws leapt at the chance to chat with such an elegant substitute for the ugly, polluting driving machines that populate the local grocery store plaza.

Alas...your Mz Paws did not bring along the Universal Translator Captain Kirk sent her from the Star Trek Convention on Mars last year. (My dear readers, that was a joke. As we all know, Captain Kirk was last seen riding Haley's Comet into the Milky Way.) But I digress.

Using tail signs, yours truly was able to ascertain that this lovely equine specimen had a driver named Mr. Piebald, an older gent with black and white fur on the top of his head, and that they were out on their weekly grocery trot. Calico Horse had saddlebags where Mr. Piebald put their goodies. What a wonderful idea!! So much less polluting than those horrible plastic bags that rip and stay in the environment for one hundred years of solitude. (Since yours truly is ruthlessly honest, she must admit that Calico Horse did leave just a little plop of pollution behind him -- nothing, though, compared to all the other horse-powered driving machines.)

Your Mz Paws was also able to ascertain from Calico Horse that Mr. Piebald had never, and would never under ANY circumstances -- EVER -- drive Calico Horse into a fast-flowing culvert, stream, rivulet or beer keg.

Let us hope, my dear followers, that the poor beings of Arizona, the state my CS, Raven, calls home, will come to their senses. If they have any to come to, that is.

Always your

Mz Paws

P.S. While the above might seem Light Years Away from reality, it is all actually true. Cat's Honest Truth.

Mz Paws' Law #4: Elucidation

from

Mz Paws' 9 Laws for

Good Living

Never Use Your Claws

Unless Absolutely Necessary

It hardly needs to be said that peaceful living beats (excuse the pugilistic verb -- I assure you, no pun intended) living by The Claw. Many cats and even a few great humans, such as Christ, The Buddha and Dave Barry have suggested if we treat others as we would like them to treat us, we would all live happily ever after. As an example, see above pic, in which I am practicing Law #3, on my Purrfect Blanket. Do I look like I'm going to rip your face off if you come within clawing distance?

You understand my point, I'm sure.

Now, there are a few, slight exceptions to this Law. No, I do not mean if someone attacks you, throws rats at you or calls you a Fatcat Fatboy, which recently happened to my friend Milo. Even then, he successfully practiced Law #4 by simply ignoring the bully, and everything became peaceful and happy once again.

No, I am referring to Life and Death Circumstances. For instance, if someone were to pick me up off my pink Purrfect Happy Blanket and threaten to throw me into the swimming pool, I might -- might, mind you -- put out a little claw. Just a reminder, that I'm a living being who deserves just as much respect as the next one. Of course, I would NEVER think of throwing any being into a swimming pool. Oh, the chlorine, the smell, the WATER.

But I digress. I really am working on tweaking that habit. But I digress again. My point: Law #4 works. Let's all give each other a little breathing room, K?

Always your

Mz Paws

P.S. What do YOU think of Law #4? Please leave me a note. I do tend to feel I'm talking to myself when no one sends me notes here. Thank you kindly.

Mz Paws Shares Links

I am hard at work writing my next post (as you can see). It needs a bit of, as they say, tweaking.

Oh my dear tail. That word. Tweaking. It always puts me in mind of a similar word. Probably you guessed it. Yes. Squeaking. And perhaps you know what THAT leads to in my -- if I do say so myself -- ever-active mind. But I digress. Again. It's a habit I'm trying to tweak. Anyway....

I don't normally share very many links on this site, mostly because I usually have so very, very much to say, myself. But since today is tweaking day, I am going to give you, my friends and fans, two links. The first is to a wonderful interview with a fabulous cat named C.E. Lawrence. She talks about everything from string theory (as in math/physics/Big Fang) (or first, click here to see yours truly having fun with her OWN string), to how crime profilers work, the publishing world, meowsical purrformances and oh, so much more. Plus she reads from her book. C.E. Lawrence is, of course, the author of Silent Screams, a thriller that will really raise your fur. Click here to get your neurons firing!

The other link is to an article about the Tea Party. Now, I enjoy bones in china and can raise my little claw as well as the next socio-cat, but I simply will not comment on this other kind of tea party except to say that you MUST watch the UTube version of an hysterical parody of these so-called Teapartiers by "emma's revolution." (That's the name of the group.) It made me grin until -- I have to admit-- my fangs showed. And I never, ever, eVER show my fangs. At least, not in polite society. Click here for a ro-LICKING good time! You can even read the lyrics to the song so you can caterwaul right along with emma's revolution!

P.S. I realize, of course, that I often DO create links to my own and other sites -- well, mostly my own, of course. But it's not because I'm trying to avoid tweaking my next post. Really, it's not. Just look again at how hard I'm working and you'll know I'm telling you the Cat's Honest Truth.

Always your

Mz Paws

Mz Paws on Vacations, the Meaning of Life, Hydrofracking

VACATION:

A GOOD TIME TO

CONTEMPLATE ONE'S

PRIORITIES and not to hydro-----!

I've never been big on vacations. Imho, they're highly overrated. If you can tell me what can be accomplished on a vacation that cannot be accomplished by sitting quietly and contemplating the true Meaning of Life, then please do so. (I'm told there are places to comment at the end of every one of my messages to you, my adoring -- and adored -- followers.) Contemplating the Meaning of Life may seem rather a large task, or one better left to those whose inclination is to sequester themselves forever behind the walls of a monastery or nunnery -- but actually it is quite simple. Just sit and breathe and see how wonderful it is that we can do this. Click here to learn more. I did, and as you can see, I'm having a delightful time!!

In fact, I've been doing just this since my last message to you. Now I am more than ever convinced that I must continue elucidating my Nine Laws for Good Living. I shall do so very soon. That is, if the paparazzi don't swarm me again. (Of course, I can't really blame them for wanting to get pictures of yours truly....)

In the future, I might also be talking about the practice of hydrofracking -- oh, such a dreadful sounding word, but quite fitting, imo. When I first heard the word, I thought it was some kind of -- oh dear, etiquette dictates that I not even write the word, but I'll give you a hint: it starts with "r" and ends in "e" and Toms are often arrested for it.... yes, yours truly thought it meant "that word" by water. Well, imagine my surprise when I discovered that's exactly what it is. Gas companies hydrofracking Mother Earth. Click here to learn more. What is the world coming to? I think I shall go back on vacation for a few more days!

Remember: all beings -- including wasps and ants -- want to be happy. They just don't know how to do it, and that's how we get into messy things like, oh dear, must I write that terrible word again? Hydro--------. There. What I'm trying to say is, we need to have compassion, even for those who like to hydro-----.

Always your

Mz Paws

Mz Paws: "Silent Screams" a Winner

IF YOU LIKE BODY BAGS AND CREEPY KILLERS...

Get your paws on C.E. Lawrence's thriller Silent Screams. It's got all a literary cat could desire in the way of thoughtful cat-achterizations, a scaaaarrrry plot, lots of CSI-type research, plus a whole lot of action. (Here is yours truly, doing my own sleuthing. It certainly does look like a body bag, does it not? What could it be? It certainly is untidy here. Well, I did learn in Silent Screams that crime scenes can be rather messy....)

Always your

Mz Paws

Mz Paws In Love with Josh Ritter

TRY OUT

Josh Ritter's

NEW CD

"SO RUNS THE WORLD AWAY"

(A quote from Shakespeare, for those literary cats, like me, who would dare to care about such things.)

Of course, being a sophisti-cat, I do, upon occasion (and if the pay is good -- just joking, of course!) paws for a moment to mention a good book or CD or something other than what I usually meow about here -- my Nine Laws For Good Living, shrimp and the oil in the Gulf, and how the paparazzi have been chasing me, etc.

I happened to be listening to NPR one day and along came an hour-long interview with a very well-spoken man named Josh Ritter. Oh, but it was the music that captured my heart. Yes, my friends, your Mz Paws is IN LOVE!

You can have a listen and a look-see at www.joshritter.com

The lyrics on the new album are, to put it simply, which is how I, Mz Paws, try always to put things -- but I digress. The lyrics of many of the songs on "So Runs the World Away" are quite worthy of Mr. Shakespeare, himself. Imho. And, lest you be thinking that this constitutes hyperbole, giving credit where it is not due is definitely not one of my foibles. In fact, imho, I have very few foibles at all. Except to have fallen in love now.

Sigh.

Always your,

Mz Paws

BUY BP NOW (and while we're at it, free the phish) Plus: ASPCA Update

I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY

that now is the time to buy stock in BP. As you can see from this picture of me (not the most flattering, I must admit, but I allowed it to be published for the sake of making a point) -- that point being, as you can see, I am making paw tracks to my broker to make sure I get in on the deal.

I should also point out that if you have ever been afraid to change careers, FEAR NOT. Former fisherpeople down in the Gulf have been changing careers since April. Many of them have become oilfisherpeople, and I am sure they are very happy to be wearing neck chains and badges that tell all the dead phish and dolphins who they are.

Speaking of phish, I have 2 items about which to pontificate (oh, what a lovely sounding word!). First, only 4 -- FOUR -- of you have voted whether or not I should become vegetarian. That is, of course, about average for this country, in which about 50% of humans turn out at the polls. But I expected better from my fans. VOTE. IT'S YOUR RIGHT!!! And frankly, I'm tired of dithering. Should I have eaten my shrimp last night, or not?

Secondly, (I love saying that!) I believe that the poor phish you see swimming in a cage on top of my page need to be set free. The poor things are continually bumping up against their prison walls, trying desperately to find their way to bigger things -- like the bathtub where I live. Or, perhaps they would prefer one of the three fake ponds. (I wouldn't suggest that, however; too many snapping turtles.) We may be going to the ocean this week -- perhaps they would enjoy a saltwater environment. But no, they might end up in the Gulf and then it would be an oily environment. Well, what do YOU think? Where should the phishies go?

Phree the Phish!

Always your

Mz Paws

P.S. (That means Post Script) This just in from the ASPCA in NYS about what YOU can do to help make attending animal fights a crime:

Dear New York Advocates,

Animal fighting is already a felony in our state, but these brutal, inhumane events still occur. This may partially be due to the fact that attending an animal fight in New York State is just a “violation,” resulting in no criminal record and punishable by a small fine, at worst. Spectators drive the animal fighting industry, so it’s high time that there be a legal deterrent to attending these horrible events in New York.

The New York State Legislature is now considering a bill to make attending an animal fight a misdemeanor offense, even if there is no proof that the attendee paid admission or placed a bet. (This is hardly a groundbreaking concept—in fact, this act is already a felony in New Jersey and Connecticut.) While the State Senate has passed its version of the bill, the Assembly has not, nor has Assembly leadership scheduled this important legislation, A. 6287-B, for a floor vote.

What You Can Do

The NY Assembly will meet later this summer for a one-day voting session to complete unfinished business. Visit the ASPCA Advocacy Center today to fax your assemblymember to request that he or she (1) support A. 6287-B, and (2) urge Assembly leadership to post this important humane bill for a floor vote during the one-day session.

Thank you, New York, for helping us fight animal cruelty.

Thank you for reading this. IMHO the bill does not go far enough, but I am still....

Always your,

Mz Paws