Mz Paws Returns: Has Message For Paparazzi and Fans

IN THE LOOKING GLASS

My dear friends (in this salutation, I include fans and paparazzi, even though the latter have chased me mercilessly):

It is always important to examine oneself thoroughly. While I was Behind the White Door (more on that later) I found a most suitable mirror in which to take a good look at myself. What I found was -- ME.

I have to admit, my dear friends, that during my first days Behind the White Door, (please click on "Behind the White Door" if you have not been following my story), I felt the hounded by doubt and depression. (No doubt, that is where the horrible rumor started that I had -- I can barely write this -- changed species.)

I will say, however, that depression can make one FEEL as though one has undergone some kind of terrible transformation. (Speaking of transformation, I will not even comment on the rumor that I had become A Canine. To do so would simply FEED the FRENZY of gossip and rumor, both of which I find contemptible.)

But I digress. To continue: when I looked in the mirror, I saw the same ME. It was most confusing. I have since learned that depression can cause confusion, as well as doubt.

So, to put matters straight, while I was Behind the White Door, I did see a psycatologist. I will neither name the psycatologist nor the location, although I can tell you that my sessions did take place Behind the White Door. That is all I will say about this.

Except to say that this psycatologist gave me a set of cataffirmations that I used to bring me back to my whiskers:

1) I am Mz Paws. Who is Mz Paws? That is the question....

2) It is not self-aggrandizing to recognize that I am the one and only "Sophisti-cat of the Blogosphere." (But I still have to ask: who is Mz Paws?)

3) My fans love me. They call me the "Queen of Etiquette." That is ok.

4) The paparazzi love me. That is also ok.

5) I can generate compassion for all beings, including the paparazzi who swarmed me and chased me so that I had to run up stairs and hide Behind the White Door.

6) I can wish that no being, including all members of the paparazzi, would suffer as I did when I had doubt and depression because I was chased up the stairs by the paparazzi.

7) I can wish that all beings, including the paparazzi, would have happiness. In other words, I can still practice my Nine Laws for Good Living, no matter what!

Therefore, my dear friends, fans and paparazzi alike, I wish you all to well. I have returned and will soon continue to elucidate my Laws. (I believe the last one I wrote on was Law #2.)

I would also encourage you all to practice the meditation from Page 3. (Just click on "Page 3.) My psycatologist had me practice it every day I was Behind the White Door, and it certainly helped me.

I will be talking with you again very soon. Although I do not for a moment regret my retreat Behind the White Door, I am simply delighted to be back with you, my dear friends and fans. I feel refreshed and ready to once again tackle BP, renewable energy, my Sunday shrimp feast (oh, that's today -- how lovely!), and other worldly problems.

But just for now, whenever you look in a mirror, be HAPPY with what you see!!! For your love and admiration, I Thank you so much (please click on "Thank you" for the proper response!).

Always your --

Mz Paws

Mz Paws Eats Football Players

NEWS FLASH:

MZ PAWS

eats football players. Answering a random question posed by an unknown computer, the Sophisti-cat of the Blogosphere seems to indicate that, given the opportunity, she might consider eating a football player. This scandalous statement comes on the paws of another scandal that Mz Paws will need to clarify when she does reappear from Behind the White Door, the rumor that she has changed species!

Behind the White Door: Mz Paws Undergoes Species Change

HAS MZ PAWS

REALLY TURNED INTO

A DOG?

Fans today were deeply disturbed by a photo (released in an unnamed newspaper) with the caption "Mz Paws Undergoes Species Change Behind the White Door." The White Door, seen at the top of the stairs which Mz Paws mounted with alacrity upon being swarmed by paparazzi last weekend, has become somewhat of a mystery to fans and fans alike. (Mz Paws has always claimed that she has no real detractors.)

This reporter has discovered the location of the local stairway, and is currently investigating what lies Behind the White Door. A close friend of Mz Paws, who identified himself only as "Milo," speculated that Mz Paws simply needed to go on retreat to practice her Laws #2 and 3.

"Mz Paws is totally capable of taking care of herself," Milo stated to this writer. "And she wouldn't turn herself into a dog."

This writer has learned that, in the past, Mz Paws has befriended many of the canine species. In a letter she wrote to a fan as recently as June, 2010, Mz Paws said:

"We felines have an obligation to nurture a loving and compassionate attitude toward all beings, especially toward those whom we might ordinarily feel animosity, unfriendliness, fear or even disgust. We must cultivate an attitude in our minds of wishing that they, too, could live happy, healthy lives, and that they could engage in happy, healthy activities that will bring them the peace we cats engage in naturally. (BTW, all beings includes humans, dogs and rats.) We should practice wishing this every morning before bathing."

This letter, obtained through an anonymous source close to Mz Paws, clearly shows her huge heart, and seems to indicate that although she wishes dogs well, she does not wish to become one. This reporter has since learned that the canine pictured in the tabloids is NOT MZ PAWS, but one of her closest canine friends, whose name is Leda.

For now, we can only wait with Milo and hundreds of other friends and fans gathered here in the foyer where the staircase is located. Chi, an acquaintance of Mz Paws' stated it succinctly, "I know she'll reappear. Until then, I'm going to sleep."

In the meantime, this reporter will be spending the day trying to discover what exactly lies beyond the white door. Certainly, though, for now we can put to rest any suspicion that Mz Paws has undergone a species change. As she, herself, might put it:

OMG, how utterly ludicrous!

Mz Paws Responds to "Raven"

THE WHEREABOUTS OF

MZ PAWS

IS STILL UNKNOWN

But the Sophisti-cat

of the Blogosphere

Responds to a

Disgruntled Viewer

Earlier today, through means unknown, Mz Paws delivered a scathing note to a viewer known only as "Raven." In a comment posted a number of days ago, Raven refers to the picture on Page 3 of this blog.

Raven says: I just cannot unnerstan HOW that big fat cat let you papparazzi near him and his butt in the "bath" room! Nevah, nevah, nevah do that again! Signed, Raven

The note from Mz Paws, which this reporter obtained by means which shall remain secret unless a bribe of sufficient amount is offered, appears in its entirety below:

My Dear Raven,

I am currently "under siege" by the paparazzi. (Please note the correct spelling of this word, which comes from an old French word meaning "rummager," as in one who "rummages" through papers.) I do NOT encourage the paparazzi. I do not encourage rummaging of any sort. In fact, I am thinking of starting an ANTI-RUMMAGING organization. Perhaps in the south, from whence it seems you hail, given your spelling (another error) of the word "never" -- perhaps in the south you do not have paparazzi. As for the cat pictured being fat -- well, perhaps he cannot help it. Perhaps he has emotional eating problems, or a hormonal imbalance. To impugn him without knowing him is slanderous. If I were not so steeped in the etiquette of the polite world, I might say that you, Raven, might benefit from a course in common courtesy.
Yours (under siege),
Mz Paws

We will keep you updated on Mz Paws' whereabouts. Her fans are asking that anyone who knows the staircase pictured on this blog several days ago please make yourselves known. Mz Paws' fans are particularly interested in what goes on Behind the White Door seen at the top of the stairs, the door behind which, presumably, Mz Paws is hiding.

Mz Paws Still Missing: Fans Gather

MZ PAWS PICS

CREATE FUROR

ON FOURTH

As most Americans were spending a quiet Fourth of July holiday enjoying fireworks, fans of the "Sophisti-cat" known only as Mz Paws showed outrage yesterday when a certain newspaper, which shall hereby go unnamed, published photos of the celebrity trying to escape the paparazzi.

"Freedom for Mz Paws!" was the chant picked up by hundreds of fans as they stood in 90 degree heat at the bottom of a local staircase, waiting for a glimpse of the (in)famous Blogosphere Commentator. (The staircase, pictured 2 days ago in this blog, has since been found.)

"We only hope she's all right," said a fan, while eating sardines from a tin. "The Great Feline only knows what's behind the door at the top of those stairs!" When asked about the tan and white striped fur coat he was wearing, the same fan showed his true claws. "Don't get your whiskers all bent out of shape. I know it's not PC to wear fur. All of Mz Paws' fans do. But she can't help wearing fur, and neither can I."

That particular fan has not been back since yesterday. Another tin of sardines was put out by his friends later in the day, but the fan did not return. The majority of fans kept vigil all night, despite the sweltering heat, which topped 100 degrees. At one point, a joke began circulating (no one would say where it had started, and only fans were allowed to laugh at the joke):

What turns a lot a fans on really fast? Answer: Mz Paws!

As for the true whereabouts of Mz Paws, and what might be Behind the White Door, we will keep you "posted."

Where Is Mz Paws?

the ALWAYS POLITE but

SOMETIMES ELUSIVE

MZ PAWS

HAS DISAPPEARED!

Mz Paws, known to her fans as The Sophisit-cat of the Blogosphere, has disappeared. This afternoon, the Queen of Etiquette, as she is sometimes affectionately called by those who follow her blog, was seen dashing up the stairs pictured here to escape a pack of paparazzi who had discovered her soaking up rays on a ledge at her home. (At the time of this report, we do not know the location of these stairs.) Earlier in the day, Mz Paws told a reporter that she hoped everyone would have a safe and happy Fourth of July. One fan who witnessed the swarming of Mz Paws by the paparazzi tearfully told this writer, "We can only hope that Mz Paws is safe and sound up there. It's just terrible what they'll do to get a picture of her." There have been rumors that Mz Paws has been distressed by the poll that appeared on her blog, asking whether or not she should become vegetarian. Some fans dismissed this idea as "hogwash." As one admirer put it, "Mz Paws has made it clear in her bio that she is a 'ham' but not a pig."

We will keep you "posted" on the whereabouts Mz Paws.

Mz Paws' Law #2: Elucidation

Mz Paws' Law #2:

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep More.

Getting enough sleep is very important for us cats. In fact, we spend a great deal of our time engaging in this activity, and a great deal of our energy goes toward finding the precise spot on the bed (or sofa, pillow, etc.) that will induce the deepest and most fulfilling sleep. After a good sleep, we awake refreshed and ready for whatever Life presents. As you can see from this photo of yours truly, I had a Wonderful Night's Sleep, and am already on the prowl.

Now, good sleep habits are essential for good sleep. For instance, one wouldn't want to go on spider patrol just before bedtime. Nor would one want to eat or drink just before sleep, as these can cause one to nightmare. For the importance of sleep, and to get some tips on good sleep habits, just click on "sleep."

While I, personally, do not adhere to all the items contained therein, I thought they might help out those of us who suffer from insomnia, restless leg syndrome (an uncontrollable need to twitch one's legs), or just plain bad sleep habits. And remember, my feral friends, even though you might live out of doors, you must always try to find someplace in which to cozy up.

So, try to practice my Law #2 all the time -- well, whenever you AREN'T sleeping. Happy sleeping! ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz